*note*: Tiptoe - Goldfrapp
Mood: *ouch* Down in the dumps.

Well, I’m back from New Zealand, which explains my depressive last post. Yes, my real home is in New Zealand with James. I’m never 100% happy when i’m home in Sydney: New Zealand just makes me happy. I feel so much more at ease over there - I’d probably move there even if James wasn’t part of the equation. It’s such a beautiful country.

I have exams in a week. I’ve barely done any study, and I’m starting to freak out. I’m mostly scared about my English exam, which is why i’m contemplating asking dad if I can get an English tutor. I know i’m not going to do well, but I really need to push myself harder in English, especially because I am only taking the minimum 10 units which means If I stuff up one exam, I could potentially screw up my final mark. My two English units need to be relatively high, because I don’t have anything to back them up. I’ll probably see how I will do in my half yearly examinations first before actually getting the tutor, but i’ll pitch the idea to Dad this afternoon so he can think about it.

Apart from English, I’m relatively calm about my examinations. Maths is generally an easy exam for me, and with Biology and IPT, for some reason, I can just retain the knowledge and regurgitate it out when I need to. Art is fairly simple, so long as I can remember my case studies. (80% of art examinations is about evaluating and breaking down artworks you’ve never seen before. the other 20% is being able to answer a question based on artists you’ve studied.)

After my exams, I’ll probably install a newer version of wordpress, because this version is fairly old. I like the idea of being able to cut my posts down with a “read the rest of this post” link and the other extra things that have been added. I wouldn’t use the default wordpress layout thing though - i’d customise it to fit sewwy.com’s layout, cause hot-damn, I can’t stand the many word-press layouts you see nowdays. This layout may be around for quite a while, though, because I probably won’t have time to create a new one :(

My trip to New Zealand was awesome, by the way. I got to spend lots of time with James just doing every day stuff. We didn’t do anything terribly exciting, but the time spent together was great. :) I got back yesterday morning, and as soon as I got back, I had to go to the dermatologist. $200 dollars later, I now have to use creams, ointments, moisturiser, and neutral pH based soaps and shampoos constantly. Yeah, I officially have eczema, which sucks. I have a particularly bad case of it too, and get it in random areas. At the moment, it’s incredibly bad (itchy, red, infected, etc) on my ankles and the back of my neck. I had to get special stuff for the stuff on my head. Blaaah :(

Off to do some study now. Double-blah.

I hate it here.

I feel so empty and lonely..

I want to go back home.

In New Zealand as of 10AM tomorrow morning. :) See you all on the 28th. :)

Need to contact me? sewweh @ gmail.com

I’ve put on quite a bit of weight lately, which i’m really not happy about. I’m desperate to lose it, and I’m trying so hard, but really, nothing’s happening. I exersise daily (I burn about 140-150 callories in doing so: this is 15 minutes on our crosstrainer) and I’m constantly walking around school, and so forth.

I think my biggest problem is the fact that Mum never buys me healthy stuff. She and my brother don’t put on weight, regardless of how much they eat, so she will always buy fatty, suggary foods, or really bad fruit which goes off within days. I try my hardest to eat fruit and salads and stuff, but I always end up buying from our school canteen because what we have at home is crap. My parents won’t provide me money to buy food for myself once a week, so i’m stuck.

It hit me today the most. I went to the shops today after school with my friend, Rachel. We went up to a store so I could get a new bikini for when I go down the coast on Friday. I purchassed one, but it took me ages to find a size fourteen. There were an abundance of sixes, eights and tens, but hardly any fourteens: None that would look good on me anyway. I finally found one, but now I don’t even know if I want to be wearing it. Why? It’s a size fourteen.

I came home with my new pants which i’d just had taken up. I tried it on with a new top I bought on Sunday. The pants were bought two weeks ago. The pants AND top are already too tight.

The hardest thing about it all is the fact that every day I have to go to a school full of stick thin girls, who would probably never even be the size that I am. They constantly bitch about how fat their thighs are or how much of a gut they have. I just sit there and stay quiet. Most of these girls are literally half my size, and i’m not kidding. When I mention to anyone, friend or otherwise, that i’m overweight, or that i’m a size fourteen, they just scoff at me: “No you’re not, Sarah, stop kidding yourself” “You’re not overweight, stop lying — oh god my thighs are so big!” — It only makes me feel worse. Yes I’m overweight and Yes I’m a size fourteen. No: I don’t want to be.

I really give up anything if it meant that I could be a size 10.

Three days to go!

I get my Art assessment back tomorrow. I really, really don’t want to see it. Blah! My teacher can keep it for all I care. *laughs*

Naynay and I were involved in e-drama over the weekend! How enthralling. :P I’m glad it’s over now, because it was getting to the stage that it was just petty insults being thrown back and foward, and was really riddiculous. It was all over some miscommunication too. Blah!

The jacket and pyjamas I ordered over Ezibuy a few weeks ago apparently won’t be here for another two weeks. Gaah! I really wanted them for this weekend, which is why I ordered them so early. Blah! I was relying on having that jacket, too. If it’s not here by thursday, I’ll go and buy an el-cheapo one from Target or something. Mind you, the target jackets at the moment really aren’t bad…

I’m buggered. Time for bed. Nightnight!